If you go down to Wood Lane* today
You’d better go in disguise
If you go down to Wood Lane today
You’ll never believe your eyes
For every Tory that ever there was is gathering there for certain because
the BBC is having them on their programmes.
The World at One BBC Radio 4
13/05 Rishi Sunak, Tory, recording; Ken Clarke former Tory MP
15/5 Damian Hinds, Tory; additional Tory requested but government refused to send one for BAME discussion
19/5 Gordon Brown; Labour.
20/5 Conservative leader Derby council
21/5 Bob Seely, Tory
22/5 Brandon Lewis recording from BBC R 4 Today; David Davis, Tory; Tom Tugendhat, Tory
25/5 Peter Aldous, Tory; Gavin Williamson, Tory recording played from earlier broadcast; Michael Gove, Tory, recording played; Raoul Ruperal, former advisor to Theresa May, Tory; Fianna Gael spokesperson; Robbie Gibb former aid to Theresa May, Tory
26/5 Douglas Ross, Tory, statement read out; Harriet Baldwin, Tory; Robert Jenrick, Tory
27/5 Robert Jenrick, Tory, recording from BBC R4 Today;
28/5 Jeremy Hunt, Tory
29/5 George Eustace, Tory , recording from Sky; Tory leader of an English council
2/6 Lucy Powel, Labour; Michael Fabricant, Tory
3/6 Lord Patten, Tory; Graeme Brady, Tory
8/6 Justine Greening, former Tory MP
9/6 David Blunkett, Labour peer; Diane Abbot, Labour
10/6 Tobias Elwood, Tory
11/6 Greg Clark, Tory; Tim Montgomerie, Tory
12/6 Lord O’Neill, Crossbencher in the Lords
15/6 Baroness Macgregor-Smith, Tory; John Swinney, SNP
16/6 Ruth Davidson, Tory
17/6 }
Non-party contributors
18/6 }
19/6 Boris Johnson, Tory, recording played extensively; Ed Balls, Labour
22/6 Lord Hennessy, crossbench peer; Ken Clarke, Tory; Lord Darling, Labour; Andy Burnham, Labour
Tories who’ve been good or bad are sure of a treat today
There’s lots of marvellous things to say and political games to play
For BBC news will carefully choose their guests to promote and air
For that’s the way the Tories and Beeb consider political output fair.
PM BBC Radio 4
4/6 Caroline Noakes, Tory
6/6 Priti Patel, Tory, recording played; Lord Rickets, Tory-nominated crossbencher peer; Lord P Dannatt, former Tory advisor
8/6 Priti Patel, Tory, recording played; Bim Afolami, Tory
9/6 Gavin Williamson, Tory, recording played; Mark Drakeford, Labour; Alok Sharma, Tory, recording played.
10/6 Tim Loughton, Tory; Danny Kruger, Tory
11/6 Tobias Elwood, Tory; David Gawk, Tory; Vicky Slade, Libdem
12/6 Ken Clarke, Tory
13/6 Shaun Bailey, Tory
15/6 David Lammy, Labour; Boris Johnson, Tory, recordings
16/6 Gavin Williamson, Tory, recording; Tim Loughton, Tory; Boris Johnson, Tory, substantial recordings
17/6 various No 10’s daily briefing recordings
18/6 Andrew Bridgen, Tory; Greg Clark, Tory; Ros Altman, Tory peer
19/6 Gavin Williamson, Tory, recording played
20/6 —
22/6 David Liddington, Tory; Charlie Faulkner, Labour peer
23/6 Boris Johnson, Tory, recordings played
24/6 Jeremy Hunt, Tory; Hew Merriman, Tory
25/6 Vikki Slade, Libdem, Bournemouth Council Leader; Neil Coyle, Labour
Agitprop for Tories
The Tories are having a lovely time today
Listen to their cozy chat
And how their rightwing message plays
Oh, how close and chummy they are
Joshing and jousting – all just harmless fun
And they never have any cares or stress
For irrespective of the government’s mess
The BBC always falls
On the side of their Oxbridge pals
Throw in a first name or two
A word of grateful thanks that sums
Up their trust, and home at last, tomorrow the same
Because they’re very good Tory chums.
The Westminster Hour BBC Radio 4 (weekly)
21/6 Florence Eshalomi, Labour; Tim Loughton, Tory; Jo Tanner former PR for Boris Johnson, Tory
14/6 Gillian Keegan Tory; Darren Jones, Labour
7/6 Chi Onwurah, Labour; Bim Afolami, Tory
31/5 Theresa Villers, Tory; Meg Hillier, Labour; Chris Wilkins former advisor to Theresa May, Tory
24/5 Huw Merrimen, Tory; Angela Smith, Labour
17/5 Kit Malthouse, Tory; Alison McGovern, Labour
If you go down to Wood Lane today
You’d better not go alone
It’s lovely at Wood Lane today but safer to stay at home
For every Tory that ever there was is gathering there for certain
Because today (and every day) the Tories are having their free lunch.
*Wood Lane is a BBC address in London. Contributors to programmes not directly affiliated or members of political parties are not included in the lists of contributors to BBC Radio 4 news and current affairs programmes. BBC Radio 4’s Today programme has not been included because it was hard enough listening to the above. Some other party political representation might have been missed by me. Listening was a chore, believe me. Also not included are spokespeople from pressure groups and think tanks, most of which lean to the right and extended recordings from No 10’s daily briefings.
Should be sung to The Teddy Bears’ Picnic.