A man, a dodgy arm and the NHS

The experience of a friend today – I haven’t used his name in case a mad medic attacks his dodgy army with something sharp.

By the way he’s at pains to point out he’s a supporter of the NHS but not the people populating Health Boards.

‘I think I’ve discovered ONE reason why the NHS is losing money. I got a letter this morning saying they’d been trying to contact me about an appointment at Woodend Hospital and would I contact them to find out why I wasn’t available on the phone.

I phoned the NHS and told them that the reason I hadn’t been available on the phone was because I hadn’t received any phone message from the NHS about any appointment. I said that if nobody left a message asking me to call them, it was unlikely I would somehow intuit* (*look it up) that the NHS was trying to contact me.

I added that, if the NHS was calling me from a withheld number (which was highly fucking likely) they wouldn’t get an answer because I get umpteen telemarketing calls ever week from withheld numbers so I never answer those type of calls.

Agreeing that it seemed a pretty stupid idea to phone folk and not leave a message, the NHS person then asked me what the problem was that they had been phoning me about. It seems they had lost/mislaid/eaten the letter from my GP about the trapped nerve in my left arm which has been causing me discomfort for several months. We eventually decided that someone should see me about this problem and I was asked if I’d like to travel to Edinburgh for a swift consult.

I said I wouldn’t, so I was then told that I would remain on Grampian Health Board’s waiting list but that it might take several months before a letter is sent out with an appointment date.

I said this was OK but would they mind not phoning me about it and not leaving a message until I have completed my training as a psychic.’

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